The Reasoning Behind an Eating Disorder

Like you’re trapped. You’re damned if you eat — and if you let yourself eat, you can’t stop because you’re so hungry. Then after you’re left feeling weak and fat and disgusting afterwards. Sometimes to get the lump out of your stomach, you force yourself to throw up because it makes you feel better and more in control again. This happens many times before you start to do anything to avoid that feeling.

To avoid this feeling, you avoid food. Withering away, feeling empty but getting a subconscious sense of satisfaction out of each time you refuse food. If you ignore the hunger long enough, it stops hurting and becomes normal. It is possible to throw up in secret, even while hanging out with people, feeling powerful that you have a secret that no one else knows about. It’s sick. There is a part of you that’s hidden.

Everyone tells you that your weight is “fine”, but fine isn’t good enough. Fine is too average. You want to be stared at, admired. You love being called skinny (although you’ll never believe it). It makes you feel beautiful. Occasionally you read those “pro-ana” websites, and know how fucked up it is, but find yourself very fascinated by it. They try to convince you that not eating is “strong” and “shows will power” and “makes you beautiful.”

One day you’ll stop starving yourself. One day you’ll stop making yourself throw up. But today is not that day. 

Secrets About Pizza Places I Wish Customers Knew

I’ve been working at New Orleans all summer and there are a few little tips and tricks you only see behind the scenes to make the most out of your experience, every time. Keep these in mind next time you go.

Ask for herbs and parmesan on your pizza/garlic strips. It comes at no extra cost and gives it a little extra kick. I rarely see customers ask for it since they don’t know it’s free, or even there in the first place.

Take advantage of the specials. The specials we have generally can save you so much money. For example, one large pizza with 4 toppings is $19.20, yet one of our specials features 2 large pizzas with six items combined, with garlic strips and two dips, for only 9 bucks more. That’s more than twice the deal for little extra cost. My point is, always keep the deals in mind.

Make sure you’re getting everything you paid for. Likely to save money, I’ve seen my co-worker “forget” to give customers the dip that came with their special. Conversely, I’ve given customers incorrect change and charging them too much/too little (I was still in training) simply because I’m too tired or new to know the difference. Cashiers make mistakes too, keep this in mind, and be ready to correct them if they’ve made a mistake.

Being nice to the staff can make a world of difference. I find myself adding a few extra of a specific topping or a little extra cheese to customers that treat me with a shred of decency. Being kind to the person who handles your food can really make a difference.

Extra cheese counts as two toppings where I work – and no cheese means double toppings. I’m not sure if this is New Orleans specific, but extra cheese counts as two toppings since cheese is the most expensive topping we own. But it makes the pizza taste SO much better. If you’re going to get extra cheese, you might as well ask for double cheese (which is 0.5 oz extra) since they cost the same. And if you choose to get no cheese, they will double your toppings, whatever they are.

I Got Hit On by a 31 Year Old Hooker in Front of my Boyfriend

So after getting my fake ID taken away at the club with my of-age friends, I went home and was feeling a bit dejected. It was embarrassing and sad and I felt like a loser. Luckily my incredible boyfriend, D, piercing green eyes, handsome, 6 foot, calls me up and asks if I wanted to go take shots at his cousins house. Fuck yeah I would.

So we head over there, getting into a fight on the way there, because I had drank alcohol (pre gaming) without telling him. We finally get there and at this point we are silently hating each other’s guts. I’m in a horrible mindset and have been drinking since 4 pm, and it’s midnight.

We go to the front door of this town house and are greeted by his drunk cousin, K, who is 6’4, really muscly, blonde, blue-eyed, and his even drunker “girlfriend”, S, green eyes, brown hair, about 5’4. They are really friendly and make me feel welcomed. S grabs D’s ice capp without asking and drinks it as a first impression, so you can tell right off the bat they are going to get along really well.

We go in the kitchen and take shots. D got me some grey goose raspberry? vodka stuff and that stuff hits me like a truck. We take a shot and I’m already feeling it. K and S are all over each other, while D tries to make moves on me, I reject him because I’m still annoyed at him. He suggests rolling a blunt, him and K roll their own separate blunts while I chat up S. I learn she is 31, has a child, and used to be a stripper for 7 years, and was paid “$250 an hour to give a Brazilian wax” (read: hooker). Hmm. After learning I am 18, she is shocked, and says she “doesn’t want to be friends anymore” (but oh, she changes her mind later).

D and I go outside to smoke the blunt. After that, I’m pretty not sober. We go inside, and have a conversation about “society”. I catch K staring at my tits, which were not even overtly exposed. He states he thinks “wild girls are better to date than tame girls.” I tell him that’s very debatable. I can tell that this is some sort of competition between K and D over who has the more appealing girlfriend. So mature (FYI it’s me — my tits are real, hers aren’t, mine are way bigger, and I’m almost half her age) They are competitive as fuck. K offers me a shot of tequila, I take it but don’t finish it because I don’t feel like blacking out and fucking up my life.

D and I go downstairs to talk for a bit privately. I can’t remember one bit of the conversation. He begs to go down on me, I decline, I’m too fucked up and I don’t feel like being walked in on. We hear S and K fucking upstairs. I feel like the tame one for once in my life.

We go outside again to smoke even more. Everyone goes outside this time.  I’m already fucked. S eyes me up and talks about how pretty I am. K agrees with her. I feel on the moon, I love these compliments. S tells me we should go in the hot tub, and that I might as well “spread my legs right now”. S decides D can’t “handle me”, and D calls her a bitch in response. This is when K flips shit, yelling at my boyfriend, telling him not to say those things, that he’s disrespecting her, blah blah blah. I was a bit terrified, this guy is fucking huge, and fucking pissed. I think someone’s going to get beat up, look away, and wonder how I always end up starting fights with people without meaning to. I’ve never seen D back down from a fight in my life, and he certainly did from this one. S keeps running her fingers through my hair.

We all go inside, D and K try to work things out, while I chat up S, and hear about her complain about controlling boyfriends. She tells me her hair and boobs aren’t real, shows me a picture of her kid, talks about loving to laugh in life, and I totally relate to her in that respect.. She tries to get me drunker and gives me another shot. Again, I barely take any. We talk for a while, then she suggests going upstairs. Halfway up, I realize she’s trying to fuck me. So I ask “what’re we doing?”, she takes me in a room where bras are all over the floor. We end up going back downstairs, because my boyfriend was getting PISSED.

I head over to him and tell him it’s time to go home. Before we leave, S asks for my number, and I give it to her, cause why the fuck not.

I sleep over at D’s. He’s completely pissed, ranting about this girl, and his cousin, and saying everyone is a letdown. We had sex in the morning and he chokes me way harder than usual, wonder why. Also, S calls me in the morning, says she loves me and to call her later. D is even more pissed. He tells his cousin to tell her to not talk to me cause it makes him angry. The two of them made up, his cousin blames the alcohol. They’ve never had a fight in their 10 years of being friends before that. I later learned S was on ecstasy.

Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol  ♪

What Their Hair Colour Change Says AboutThem

Not necessarily 100% accurate, just what I’ve noticed and what I can relate to. I will further use “she” but it will relate to both genders, probably.

Blonde – She just so fucking happy and wants everyone to know it. Maybe she got into a new relationship and is trying to be the Barbie to her Ken. Maybe she’s trying to be Marilyn Monroe. Or maybe she’s trying to have more fun. A lighter hair colour indicates she’s happier. Or she’s a musician. One of the two.

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Red – She’s wild, attempting to make a statement. Hot temper? Really sexual? Check and check. The brighter the red, the harder she is trying to stand out. She identifies with the Disney princess, Ariel and fucking loves cats. Don’t ask me why, it’s just a fact.

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Darker – Can mean several things. One, she’s going back to a more natural looking hair colour because she’s decided it looks best. If it’s really dark, she may be attempting to be pull off a mysterious or exotic look. Or maybe she hates her fucking life and wants you to be aware of that.

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Unnatural Colour – Can mean all kinds of shit. A scene phase, an overwhelming need for attention, a breakup, or maybe they just really want to be different.

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Natural hair – They’ve decided to accept themselves for who they are and realize that natural is really beautiful. Or maybe they dyed the shit out of it and are just giving it a nice break from all of those horrible chemicals.

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Highlights/lowlights – They’re looking for a bit of a change, but not much. Just enough to spice it up and give it depth. And they’d really appreciate if you noticed it!

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Ombre – They like to be trendy and pretty in a mainstream way and I probably hate them.

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What I Wish I Could’ve Said to My Younger Self

Cigarettes don’t make you look cool. I promise. You look like you’re trying too hard and wrecking your health in the process. Get that out of your mouth right now young lady!!

You don’t have to get black out drunk to enjoy alcohol. You’re feeling drunk… you can stop drinking now. Just accept the fact that you can’t handle quite as much alcohol as everyone else. That is okay. You will avoid so much trouble by just slowing down.

You don’t “owe” anyone sex – ever. So he bought you a 10 dollar necklace? That’s great. Very nice of him. You don’t owe him ANYTHING for it, even if he makes you feel like you do. And your pleasure is just as important as his. So he went down on you? Great – you don’t owe him the same.

Don’t fuck with people’s relationships. I know you’re young and have no idea what a functional relationship looks like, but it’s best if you just leave other people’s relationship to run its natural course, rather than fucking with them and ruining your reputation, their relationship, and your soul.

Get high responsibly. That means not going to class or work baked as fuck.

You’re worth so much more than you know. People will suck, and treat you like shit, but that is  not a reflection of you. It is a reflection of them. You’re prettier than you think. You’re smarter than you think. Don’t beat yourself up over your mistakes – you’re not stupid, you’re learning.

Natural is beautiful. Sure, a little makeup can enhance your look, but you don’t need to cake it on to be beautiful.

There is nothing appealing about that douchebag you have a crush on. The only reason you like him is because he calls you pretty and is attractive. But girl, he does this with every girl he sees. To have a crush on him is a waste of your energy. Stupid hormones.

Don’t text/drink/smoke and drive. Seriously.

What I Learned Working in a Pizza Place

There is a science to making pizza. The best pizzas are carefully made. I had no idea there was a precise way to lay down the pepperoni before I worked there, but they’ve got this whole pizza making thing down to a science. I thought they just randomly threw it on there. Keep the sauce even, leave about half a centimetre of dough outside, put exactly the right about of cheese on the pizza, etc. etc.

Who doesn’t love pizza?!? I see all different kinds of customers – male, female, black, white, kids, adults. Everyone. Certain demographics tend to like different things – not racist, just a fact. For example, mennonite LOVE chocolate milk, and a million toppings on their pizza.

Cashiers are people too. If you’ve never been a cashier, you tend to not even think about your transaction critically. Once you’ve been one, you feel for them. Having to smile all the time, be nice, give you the right amount of change, find the right damn button on the register, just trying to get through their shift. You will consider their perspective because you know how it feels to be one.

Great things take time. Our pizza takes about 1 to 5 minutes to make (depending on how fast you are) and 10 minutes to go through the oven. The more time you spend going over the details – the right toppings, the right amount of time through the oven, the perfect amount of cheese, etc. the better your pizza will taste. This applies to everything in life – if you take your time and don’t rush through your job, it will be much better.

There is always room for improvement. You will constantly be trying to come up with new recipes, and discontinuing the unpopular ones, renaming items, etc. There is ALWAYS something to do there, always something to make better – clean the sauce off the floor, restock the pop fridge, clean the tables off, fold pizza boxes, clean and grease the pans. You can always find ways to make something better and more appealing.

Pizza is fattening as hell. Careful working in a pizza place or you might get carried away and gain weight!

Why Weed is Best in Moderation

I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum – completely devoid of weed, and smoking weed everyday, even several times a day in some cases. And I’ve come to the conclusion that the perfect amount is somewhere in between, here’s why.

Why is it bad to smoke weed too much? You don’t appreciate it if it is constant. It just seems like part of your everyday routine. You adjust to it and it become less of a treat and more of just routine. Your highs aren’t quite as good or mind-blowing if you do it all the fucking time. In addition, (this is me personally, feel free to disagree) my memory feels worse if I do it all the time, I am more spaced out than usual in general. I simply feel dumber. And then you become dependent on it – if you happen to miss a day, you feel a little worse, your stress is a little higher. Weed is not physically addicting, but psychologically – you wish you had that high every day. If you’re constantly doing it several times a day, you’re psychologically addicted.

Why should you smoke every once in a while? It adds colour to life, gives you a different way of thinking, and relieves stress and pain. It is simply boring and static to live completely free of weed. In addition, when I’m sober, my thoughts are all over the place. When I smoke weed, it is like I can slow down and focus on one thing at a time, and it is very nice. I’ve come to some very interesting realizations while stoned that I would’ve never even considered sober. I feel like it can help you realize your mistakes and improve yourself. Like Bob Marley said, it reveals you to yourself. Plus the fun, the giggles, it makes you happier, makes life seem a little brighter.

Feel free to disagree, this is merely the conclusion I’ve come to. Thanks for reading.