Birth Control Made Me Feel Crazy

I am 20 years old, and decided to go on birth control because this would be the worst time to get pregnant right now. Also, my period cramps are incredibly painful. Birth control helps with both issues.

So I went to my doctor and based on my lifestyle (nonsmoker), I was prescribed Lolo, a low estrogen dose combination birth control. Instructions were simple, take the same pill at the same time every single day on the Sunday after your period. So I do that. 10am consistently.

Things were fine at first. Everything was business as usual the first week. On the second week, I started getting sharp cramps in the middle of an exam. What the hell. After I leave, I go to the washroom to find my period, it is 2 weeks ahead of schedule and has never been so early in my life. I look online and find that spotting is supposedly common. Only thing is, I have been having light bleeding since and that has lasted about a week and a half now.

Supposedly, this is the crap you have to go through while your body adjusts to the birth control. Extremely early periods were not the only thing that made me feel crazy. I underwent drastic mood swings. One time after my boyfriend came over, I found myself crying constantly after he left because I was feeling like he wasn’t treating me right.

This sounds relatively normal, but it’s like my thought process wasn’t my own. I was absolutely wallowing in it. Feeling like I was incredibly selfless, I do so much for him and he can’t show me half the love back. I would have never cried for an hour or even really thought anything like that under normal circumstances.

This wasn’t the only time I cried uncontrollably on birth control. I found out my cousins 1 year old German Shepard, who I’ve never met, was unfortunately killed in a car accident. Under normal circumstances, I would have been a bit upset. On birth control, I cried for hours and hours about a dog I’d never met.

Overall, I guess if you’re adjusted to it, birth control could be a wise decision. But the health effects, adjusting to it in the first place, and the annoying consistency make it something I would never try again. To each their own.

Why Someone Would Choose Box Dye Over Salon Hair

Every time I go to the hairdresser’s, they usually give me shit for using a box dye and stress that I can never use it again and ALWAYS go to the salon if you want a change, don’t you know how bad it is for your hair, blah blah blah.

I know how bad it is, but do you ever stop for a second and wonder WHY? Here are some reasons why someone would pick a box dye over salon.

1. Cheaper. Duh. I’m pretty sure this is the main reason why anyone would do this. I could pay 200$ for my hair or 13$ for a box dye. Pretty major difference when you’re cheap or broke as fuck.

2. Feeling in control. You get to pick your own specific shade, even if it NEVER comes out like it appears on the box. It’s extremely personal. And the process is entirely in your hands, literally. Apply or as much or as little as you want, leave it on as long as you want, it’s more personal.

3. Takes way less time. When I go into a salon, I have to plan a day around the goddamn process. It takes like 3 or 4 hours. I leave starving and not knowing who I am anymore, albeit with luscious locks. Box dyes take like a half hour and you’re done. You’re a new person. An impatient person’s dream.

4. Avoiding someone criticizing your hair. Sometimes hairdressers aren’t so nice. I’m not saying everyone, many hairdressers (particularly pricy ones, hmm) are hella nice and make great conversation. But some love to tell you how dead your hair is, tell you to buy this product and that product and every product available, and you could use a $104 facial as well?


Tips to Be Happy

Pretty much applies to well, everyone.

  • Never compare yourself. You will never be happy comparing yourself to another persons photo likes, their weight, or their test score. It’s important to remember that these numbers do not make anyone better or worse than you and it’s vital to not put so much emphasis on them in order to be happy.
  • Exercise. You’ve heard it a million times, but nothing really beats that feeling after a work out. You instantly feel healthier and more productive. You will live longer. You will lose weight. You’ll feel beautiful!
  • Laugh, laugh, laugh. And laugh some more. This is so important and honestly one of the greatest feelings in the world. Watch a stand up comedian (Chelsea Handler and Dane Cook being mine of choice), a funny show, talk to someone hilarious, lurk through Twitter.
  • Connect with people as much as possible. Make small talk with someone in the elevator. Call up your parents, best friend, or significant other and have a great talk. Chat up that random at the bar. Good conversation and deep connections are the spice of life.
  • The little things. Offer to help out others. Listen to music. Eat some ice cream. Clean your room. Love yourself. Focus on your good qualities. Read a good book. Happiness is in the little things. Life is truly beautiful.
  • Choose to be happy. Happiness is ALL on you. You must choose to be happy for no reason. It’s all about your mindset. Good luck!

To My First Love That I’ll Never See Again

It’s almost as if I knew you in a prior life. I look at old photos and know you had a very special place in my heart, just look at how happy the two of us were together!

However, when I look at these photos now surprisingly I feel…… nothing. There’s nothing left I feel for you emotionally and I thought at a time that I would never get to this point. I thought we’d be in love forever and ever.

Life got in the way, toxicity, family stuff. Our relationship was completely chaotic and I thought that meant love. Extreme jealousy? Obviously means he cares. He hits me when he’s drunk? It’s just cause he feels so strongly about me. He restricts me from even speaking to the opposite gender? SWOON.

It’s only now in hindsight that I see everything that was so damaged and flawed, not the perfect relationship I portrayed it to be in the slights. Even though at the time there was something anchoring me, keeping me to you. It was because the way you made me feel higher than I’d ever been in my life. Maybe it was the spontaneous excitement, the 200$ concerts you’d pay for, the vodka infused beverages you’d give me, the spontaneous sex in the forest on the way back home. It was crazy and it was fun. Was that love?

The way we met was basically a summary of the entire relationship. I had drunken sex with him at a party when he was 21 and I was 17 in the backseat of his car shortly after meeting him. His girlfriend of 5 years caught the both of us, then chased me around the car trying to murder me. Everyone at that party wanted to burn me, the witch, the harlot, at the stake, but I made a quick getaway.

That was essentially the summary of a year long, a good summary of it anyways. Exhilarating. Wrong. Moving way too fast. Isolating to everyone except for him. Toxic. Fun. Drunk. But in the end, why would you ever date someone who cheated WITH you? That’s not the kind of person you’re going to end up with. That’s the psychotic phase, the party phase, the trying to piss of your parents phase. Not the true love phase.

In a twisted way though, I did love him. But he was so toxic, a drug dealer, abusive, etc. I know that I should and will never see him again. Goodbye first love, it was fun while it lasted.

To The Girls That Makes Their Boyfriends Unfriend Me on Social Media

This has happened a few times now. Like 3. One time this guy approached me in the school cafeteria totally randomly, Dean, and tried to go from there. He was super outgoing but I was not physically attracted to him, and he came on WAY too strong, and told me he was basically a convicted rapist on our second hang out. He also called women bitches. No thanks.

Anyways he still liked my photos and shit on social media, despite my having a boyfriend and no interest in being more than his friend. He got a girlfriend and mysteriously unfriended me a few weeks later, despite having flirted with me very recently. Weird. Let me tell you girl: no matter how much he twisted the story, he came onto me very strongly. The only reason he’s dating you in the first place is cause he couldn’t get me. I in no way shape or form wanted him, no matter what he told you and unfriending me doesn’t do or change anything. Does it make you feel more secure?

It’s happened again pretty recently. This boy, R. I met him through my housemate and we all decided to get drunk together. I couldnt even decide if he was cute. He wasn’t bad looking  but I’m so stupidly attracted to my current boyfriend that I didn’t really notice. Anyways he came onto me very strongly that night, texted me, called me attractive, tried to cuddle me. He also tried to kiss me four times the next morning. I rejected because I have a boyfriend I’m crazy in love with.  He also had a girlfriend I discovered, a pretty one too. He likes my selfie recently and then removed me off Facebook. Well shit, I wonder what compelled him to do that?

It makes me wonder what kind of stuff the boyfriend says, do they twist the story? Of course they do. What else would they do. Who doesn’t want to sound like the perfect significant other? At least I know the real story. And what exactly is the girlfriend hoping to achieve by removing me? Is he magically going to stop hitting on all other girls in general because you removed me? The less pretty girls he ever sees, the better I guess?

I think the reason it bothers me so much is because I had an ex that made me remove people all the time because he was worried they’d hit on me, and he twisted it to make it seem like it was coming from a place of love when it was really just another control tactic.

People didn’t have to deal with this shit 10 years ago.

Isn’t It Ironic that What you Love About your Partner Becomes What You Hate?!

My last ex was a VERY giving person. I saw him as so selfless, and it’s a big part of what attracted me to him. Our first real date he paid 50 bucks for a ticket to a show and genuinely expected nothing back. He got me so many lavish gifts, an iPhone 6 Plus, very expensive rings, etc. (Drug dealing is very lucrative). I was so impressed.

Cut to a year later, it drove me up the fucking wall. Nearly every single of his friends always seemed to owe him large sums of money. I didn’t understand why he was constantly putting himself in that position and people would always rip him off/take advantage of him. I started seeing it as weak and started to feel like his acts of selflessness with me was less special and just stupid and over the top.

My new beau seemed very cool and distant, ironically one of the things that attracted me to him after that whirlwind of “selflessness” and over giving. It was sexy; he doesn’t wear his emotions on his sleeve, keeps a cool head in most situations. It makes his emotions feel very raw and real when he does choose to express them. Not to sound cocky but most guys I meet are ALL OVER ME INSTANTLY and it was refreshing to see someone who wasn’t, who was cute and shy.

The downside to this is the whole fucking reason I’m writing this article – out of anger. We got into a small argument and instead of arguing with me he just shuts down, says literally nothing. He’s not answering my texts right now and didn’t send me a good night one which he usually does over NOTHING. Like I want you to care enough to fight about this. It truly hurts and feels like he doesn’t care.

Has anyone else felt like this? Let me know!!


I Got a Tattoo and This is What Went Down

First, you have to walk in to the tattoo place and book a consultation. They will ask you for a picture of your tattoo, where you want to get it on your body, a preferred tattoo artist, if you want colour or not, and finally will make you pay a deposit. Mine was 50 bucks. Then you play the waiting game.

My advice is to BRING A FRIEND. That way you can speak to them while you’re getting to distract yourself from a needle being shoved in your skin. I got mine on the back of my shoulder of a heart ribbon thing and I fucking love it. However, it also really hurt. People say it doesn’t, but they lied. Like a deep scratch, a “cat scratch on a sunburn”. It may be perhaps because of the shading I had done as well that it hurt so bad because the back of the shoulder is supposedly an easier spot. Or maybe I’m just a pussy. Who knows? It didn’t hurt much at first, but it got to be torture after a certain point. Then they put a plastic saran wrap like thing on it. Also charge you depending on the size of it, I think.

After care is a thing you will have to do. It takes about two weeks to fully heal. Basically moisturize it a lot afterwards and wash it last in the shower. No baths allowed in this time either. You don’t want the ink to fuck up or become faded. Apparently you are also advised to use sunscreen in order to preserve the colour. My skin where I got tattoo feels quite bumpy. It’s interesting. I don’t know how long that will last. Also use non scented soap on it, although I’ve yet to do that yet, fuck it.

You will also get a TON of attention and shock everyone in your life, probably. I added a photo to Facebook of it and it got more likes than I’ve ever gotten on anything I’ve ever added. If you’re an attention whore like me, this is excellent news. Also people will want to talk about it. I’ve yet to have a lot of people ask me about the meaning behind it. Like one or two people have.

Enjoy your permanent decision and a lot of attention.