Party Girl Problems

1. Forgetting people’s names seconds after they told you it, especially while intoxicated. But now it even happens to you sober. Gets really awkward at work.

2. Unsaved numbers texting you asking you if you want to hang out or asking how you’re doing when you have absolutely no idea who they are.

3. Double booking plans because you’re a people pleaser or simply forgot about the first plans you made that day. Then you have to let someone down, which is never fun.

4. Hooking up with regrettable people. Sometimes less than attractive people hit on you when you’re drunk or high on MDMA and those two drugs make everything seem like a good idea.

5. When said unattractive people think that the hookup meant anything. Helloooo, I was drunk as hell, that gives me an excuse to back out, right?? Then their feelings get hurt, it’s all bad.

6. Being known as the “crazy girl”.

7. Getting the cops called on you by people whose heart you broke. Or people trying to get back at you in any way because you partied a little too hard.

8. Finding out someone you hooked up with drunkenly has a significant other.

9. When people you first meet say “oh I’ve heard a lot about you.” Fuck.

10. The comedown effects of random drugs you took.

11. When people tell you what you did when you were blacked out. Anything from busting random objects to losing your phone, you feel like a fuckup.

12. Accidentally hooking up with childhood friends and making things a little bit awkward for life.

13. Getting into random fights and not remembering why.

14. Unexplained bruises after waking up from a night of drinking.

15. Losing all your valuables, like your money, phone or purse, perfume or whatever. And knowing it’s gone forever.

16. Your friends teasing you constantly about your hard partying lifestyle.

17. Getting bored way too easily.

I Hung Out with One Guy All Day, Left and Fucked a Different One

Okay so I knew J from high school. He’s almost perfect, personality wise anyways. He’s funny, listens to what I have to say, sweet, offers to pay, and nerdy in a good way. I simply just enjoy spending time with him. However, appearance wise, isn’t stellar. He’s quite overweight, with bad acne. Is that shallow? Not really, you want to be attracted to the person you’re hooking up with.

Anyways, we did absolutely every date activity you can think of in one day. I came over, and we started off by playing video games, Call of Duty, which I was painfully average at. Then we drove around, got sushi, and then walked around downtown for a bit. We made fun of people on the street, made inside jokes, were laughing constantly. Joking about the sketchiness of downtown. It was very hot out. I jokingly picked a flower and gave him it (it died later in the day). We drove around and got ice cream , then went to the movies to see Pitch Perfect 2. It wasn’t bad. Not great, but not bad. We also held hands during that, ooh ;) After that, we chilled in his house with his weird ass roommate who I was very nice to, as he talked to me about his video game for like a half hour. Then we left to watch fireworks which was pretty cool for like the first 15 minutes.

After he invited me up for Netflix but I gently turned him down. I drove him home. At the end he asked me if we were going to make out sober (we made out drunk once before) but I also subtly turned him down again, promising the next date we would. HA! As if. If only he were hot :(

I was driving home after when I got a text from this attractive, but douchey seeming guy I’d met once before in person and matched with on Tinder. Blonde, taller, nice face. He was done work and wanted me to come over. I was in the area so I was like sure. I came over and saw this fucker for the first time in a year. He was really fucking baked, his eyes half open.

We went up to his room, I was really nervous. He was definitely hot enough to fuck but I’m usually not this slutty. This was legit the third time I’d ever seen him in person. Once I saw him working at a club I was attending so there’s that. That counts right? LOL.

Anyways he cut straight to making out once we were in his little dorm room. He even fingered me a little. Like whoa, nice to meet you.  J’s room smelled entirely of cats so it was a nice contrast. He asked me to blow him but I turned him down because fuck that. I basically just met you. He smoked me out in his bathroom and I tripped out a little bit. We hooked up more, and after enough pressuring I agreed to fuck him. Missionary at first

He has a smallish dick. During sex, he asked me how I felt about butt stuff. I said “It’s not my thing”. He tried to stick it in my ass anyways, which was classy of him, so I freaked out a little. He said something like “whoops sorry didn’t mean to do that.” As if I believed that.

I recoiled and pushed him down on the bed, so I was on top. I grabbed his face, made out with him then bit his lip hard. He looked extremely pained after. It was awesome. I said “whoops, sorry didn’t mean to do that.” Cause I’m fucking insane and passive aggressive.

He really took control, which I wasn’t used to. It wasn’t bad. He kept asking me how he was doing. I was nice about it. Honestly I mostly did it out of curiosity. We watched TV after and cuddled but it felt so empty and pointless that I felt really awkward cuddling him. We all know this was just about sex. I gave him a back scratch and he reciprocated. I tried to make conversation a bit but he was being a bit lame and stoned.

I gave him an excuse to leave because I felt kind of fucked about the whole thing. HA! So I did. He walked me out and asked me to text him when I got home safe. I didn’t. I did however, text guy number 1. I drove home blasting music and reflecting on the day. I don’t usually drive stoned so that was weird.

It’s interesting – there was a line in the movie My Idiot Brother where Elizabeth Banks says “Every guy I meet is either a dick or a loser.” Which rings true for me right now. If only I could have someone with the personality of the first guy, but the looks of the second. Is that so much to ask?! Fuck!

It also made me reflect. How you can feel so emotionally connected to someone but without physical attraction it’s unfortunately not good for a relationship. At the same time, I feel fulfilled. I got my emotional hit and my physical one. Now I just need someone to fit the whole package so it won’t be so slutty.

Hope this was interesting to read somewhat!!

I Met Someone Off Tinder and he Was a Midget

There was this guy I matched with on Tinder, one of the first people I think I matched with. I thought he was really hot. He had tattoos, abs, blonde hair, blue eyes, I was smitten. He was also consistent with me, texting every day and not getting too mad when I ditched him, which was often because meeting people off Tinder is sketchy.

Finally I talk to him on the phone after like a month. He has a really cute voice, although he’s a bit quiet. That’s fine. Whatever, I could nervously overtalk.

We make plans to hang out that night. He agrees to drive over to my house. I’m like ya. Last second I decide to ditch the plans because I got too nervous and my parents would know I was out. He showed up anyways and I went with him because yolo.

I notice he’s suspiciously small in the car. I was like damn. I really expected him to be like 5’10” or something. I decide to ignore it. He looks a bit different than in his pics. He’s got nice eyes though, but he looks like a LITTLE FUCKING KID. He buys me a tea from Tim Horton’s and gets himself a coffee.

When we got out of the car to walk around, my suspicions were confirmed: he was fucking tiny. Maybe 5’2″ or 3 and really skinny. I’m 5’6″. It’s very noticeable and very awkward. I pretend it’s not. He asks for a hug. I laugh hysterically because it’s very comical to me.

Because I’m a nice person, I let him hold my hand and lead him on a little and try to keep the conversation fresh to death. The conversation lagged a little; he was quite quiet. Respond with one word. However, I did manage to get him to talk about his trip to Indonesia, how he likes fishing, where he went to school, the fact that he works four jobs. He asks me to go on a camping trip with him and his friends, which is a bit nuts because I just met him an hour ago. I roll with it with no intention of going through with it.

After a round of awkward silence, I ask him to drive me home with the excuse that I was tired and needed to work early. It’s only been 2 hours. I pretend to be really tired when really I just wanna dip the hell out of there. No offence. He’s very nice. But it’s awkward and he’s not quite what I expected.

I show him my dad’s super expensive car just for kicks and he takes a picture of it. He tries to kiss me when he leaves and I don’t let him, just kiss him on the cheek.

He drives home and texts me all this cute shit after but I don’t answer. Online dating can be really tricky. Make sure you know their goddamn height first. Thanks for reading.

I Hooked Up with Another Girl Drunk and I’m Straight??

Long story short, my bisexual friend and I went to a club. She’s short, skinny, pale, has blue hair, brown eyes, and it 5’2″ ish. She looks very alternative. She had indicated interest in me before but I never acted on it or even really expected another to happen.

There was a guy hitting on me there and I could tell she was getting a little jealous. She was telling me I was too hot for him, all that. I made out with him a ton. He followed me around like a lost puppy dog for the most part. But he was very sweet. We were outside in the smoker’s pit, and I remember being the centre of both of their attentions and feeling very confident about it.

We got back to her place and I got a lot more drunk. We fucked around on chat roulette and stuff before agreeing to “go to bed”. She shut out the lights. I don’t know how it happened but we mutually started making out with one another. Honestly it’s a bit of a blur. She sucked on my neck quite hard and gave me a massive hickey. Apparently I did the same to her. It was extremely foreign to me. I’ve drunkenly made out with girls briefly before, but this was something different entirely. We started taking off each others clothes.

It was so much like my own body, except that her nipples were pierced. Her boobs were quite fun to play with. I think. It was fun putting on a show for someone so completely different from what I’m used to hooking up with. The lack of lights helped me a ton because I’m not crazy attracted to her. I kissed her neck, fingered her a bit (WOW was that weird). She complimented how well I fingered her. She really liked my boobs and sucked on them quite a lot. We took turns being on top. She went down on me but I didn’t reciprocated (straight girl, remember). We hooked up like maybe a half hour. After a while it started feeling fucking weird to me and I made up an excuse to stop (I have to go to the bathroom, sorry!)

It might have been cool and alternative at the time but I think this experience taught me that I’m very straight and don’t really want to hook up with girls anymore. I feel really weird about it because we were friends for like 6 years leading up to it. Did I mention she has a boyfriend?

Careful who you hook up with!!!

Dos and Donts of Looking Appealing on Tinder for Guys

PROFILE PICTURE

DON’T: Big group photos are a no-no. This is a split second decision and I don’t want to take the time to figure out which one of the 50 you are.

DON’T: Flip off the camera in your profile picture. Gives off a bad impression and makes you look like a tool.

DON’T: Make your profile picture a car/sports team/cash/inanimate object. This is about YOU not any random objects you have laying around. Duh.

DO: A photo of you with a dog will look adorable and caring and will make me more likely to swipe right.

DO: A photo of you doing something cool like rowing in the ocean or standing next to the leaning tower of Pisa is also very in. Let me be apart of your exciting life.

DO: Thumbs up towards the camera, and smile. I don’t know why, it’s just more appealing.

??? A photo of you blowing out smoke/at a club can go either way. It will attract stoner/smoker/party girls only and put off those who don’t. Obviously.

BIO

DON’T: Mention your penis size. Please.

DON’T: Make it too long, our generation has very short attention spans.

DON’T: Say you’re only on this app for sex, even if you are. It looks thirsty.

DO: Make a cute joke (optional).

DO: Use emojis.

DO: Mention the university you went to. I like to know these things. Keep it short and sweet.

MESSAGING YOUR MATCHES

DON’T: Start off by complimenting her appearance. OBVIOUSLY you find her attractive if you both swiped right. It’s nice and all, but it lacks originality and is established already.

DON’T: Use a corny pickup line (UNLESS it’s personal). I don’t know why but this puts me off. It makes me think you probably copy and paste the exact same message to every single girl you match with.

DON’T: Be boring. Who wants one word answers? Why are you messaging me in the first place if you act like you don’t want to talk to me?

DO: Comment on one of her photos as a message. It shows you creeped me and actually cared enough to make your message personal, which is totally hot.

DO: Comment on my bio. Again, you cared enough to make it personal.

DO: Simply ask “Hey, how’s it going?” And the use (not overuse) of emojis is always encourage.

Good luck and happy swiping!

Why I Accepted Molly from a Complete Stranger

Because I make bad decisions.

Because I wanted to get high.

Because it was there.

Because I was drunk.

Because taking risks makes me feel alive.

Because molly is fun (the comedowns aren’t)

Because you only live once.

Because I hadn’t tried it in a while and I missed it.

Because I thought it would be funny.

Because I don’t care that much whether I live or die.

Because I thought it’d be an interesting story to tell.

Because it’s fun to live dangerously.

Because it’s crazy.

Because that pill could’ve contained anything.

Because I was curious.

Because it was a nice offer.

Because fuck it.

Because I could.

Why Do Girls Hate on Pretty Women?

Seriously?! This baffles my mind. Don’t you dare tell me it’s not true because I’ve seen it first hand ALL the TIME. For example, I went out with my one girlfriend last night and we went to another girl’s house.

I was nothing but nice to this girl, laughing at her jokes, asking her questions about herself, making nice conversation. Yet there’s this aura about her, I can tell she dislikes me. She never looked at me once when she was telling a story, doesn’t follow me back on Twitter, barely responds to anything I say, it’s subtle things. I’ve given her no reason to dislike me and she does anyways.

Another girl, J, another friend of a friend, thought I was too “preppy” to be friends with at first. I gave no bitchy vibe off at all when I hung out with her. I was nice as fuck. When she actually got to know me she got a lesbian crush on me, though, so there’s that.

Like really?! Are you intimidated or something? I’m not gonna take your man. I’m just trying to be your friend. This is why patriarchy has existed for so long, for Christs sake. It is stupid/immature. Lately I’ve noticed this only seems to happen with less attractive girls.

Of course, not all women are like this, at all. I have three amazing girl friends, one best friend in particular. I just wonder why I see this kind of behaviour in women at all. I’ve never ONCE noticed a guy being standoffish towards another guy because of how he looked. Maybe it happens, I don’t know, but it’s much more noticeable among girls. So can we do each other a favour and not be a little bitch to women because of how they look? Thanks!